wish u were here....

its a lovely song...by incubus

The big cheel(goa)

Madhavi is a very good friend of mine and its funny that she actually started of as a client and in the process of finishing her work...we became pretty good friends...we hang out a lot whenever she works at Pixion....so it was among these great moments of doing time pass at pixion together that she told me about the big chill goa. I wrote it off at that point thinking its some money making gig with some faltu international artists as usual....Around this time an incident which devastated me happened...somebody deleted all my music from the pc next to my Flame!!i had not backed it up and couldn't believe that i had lost 2 years of music...downloaded...borrowed..begged and it had all gone in the blink of an eye....i was disturbed, depressed and disappointed and kicking myself for not backing up my music....so my line producer also was in the room and since he likes to hang with me while we work together, decided to connect his mac to a plug point in my room and generally stay there cause his work was going on in my room...i was depressed...i didn't have any of my music...and one does need music while working.....it just doesn't feel right....so i tell jhamb to try internet radio...i don't remember how we came to that..but we just went to shoutcast.com and started clicking on the playlists which seemed to be our kinda music....we clicked on “chronic aggression” first ....wah...wah..maja aagaya....pure aggression flowing through the Internet, served right in your room....this seemed to be a good idea to us....so we went on clicking and out of the blue i clicked on an ambient chill playlist...and we used to just keep it playing in the background when we weren't in the aggressive mode....one fine day jhamb downloaded a stream ripper and started ripping of the channels...so now we had some very good music in continuous DJ sets to listen to when ever we wanted.....the quality is strictly preview quality mp3s but what the hell.....

jhamb used to leave the application on so that it would rip in the background and it used to make organized folders of individual channels and sometimes with proper split files with artist names and album names....one such artist who caught my ear was jon hopkins......now u can Google him and find all sorts of info about him but what I'd like to say is that his music is soothing....touching...emotional...inspirational....positive....loving....nostalgic......and if u still don't get it...its very very nice music....

i went over to his website to learn more about him and there i read in the news section that he's coming to india to play at Big Chill!!i freak out at this and cant believe my eyes....i get startled...back off the computer screen....half in fear and bewilderment and half wit excitement...my mind cannot cope with this coincidence...what are these situations which lead me to know about Jon Hopkins and now i learn of him playing in India? What was happening?i go to jhamb and tell him about this..but at this point he hadn't invested enough time into Jon's music to feel my emotion...he said “then come along no....!!”....i wanted so much to go but because of the Coke presentation which was happening on the same day and actually later on, i would find out that as my presentation was getting over in Bombay....while Mr. Hopkins was winding up his set in Goa.....

i left Bombay on Saturday night right after the presentation and got on to a bus and after a lavdu fuckin around in the night....twisting turning...i couldn't sleep too well and reached Goa in the morning...and for some reason even though i hadn't slept too well...i was in great spirits and all credit goes to the positive energy of Goa....its magic and i cant explain it....

i take directions on the phone from jhamb and reach the hotel Alcove in Vagatore, where the gang is staying...Amit Jhamb,Schulen Fernandes, Madhavi Khote, Shaanu Sharma, Sandhya Nair, Joe Joseph, Sapna Bhavnani, and some more people who's names i cant quite remember too well were also there......i reach there in my jeans and a black shirt...it didn't feel right to roam around in Goa like that...it seemed inappropriate....i go to a shop outside the hotel and buy a green pair of pyjamas and a t-shirt which i called “starry eyed surprise”....i can confidently say i looked funny in the t-shirt....but what the hell...?its Goa!

I plug in my handycam which jhamb had carried to capture Mr.Jon in all his glory....we watch the shit i'd missed and head to the venue after a while......

now let me take the opportunity to freak out once again.....I'm writing this blog about the big chill which happened quite a few days back...I've been wanting to write for quite a few days now but never got down to actually writing and today as i was writing my mom and dad called me out and asked me what i was doing in my room all alone....i explained to them that i was archiving my life in words and that's when the door bell rang....and lo and behold...what do i see....a courier guy with a package with my name on it...its the Jon Hopkins album i had ordered from justmusic.com....now please excuse me for a sec....AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.......
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now i don't think i can write anymore....I'll continue about the big chill later......I'm freaking out right now........

great cinema

last saturday i saw "Bheja Fry"....pl go watch it....it is a full conversation movie and has great situational humour and great perfomances......i loved the humour....if only the abuses were not censored.....

my Coke experience.....

I've recently finished work on a Coke commercial. I don't generally get to work with the whole team at Pixion but on this one i got the chance to work with a bunch of 3d artists...another great flame guy and a couple of Shake compositors..The director of the commercial,Mr Ram Madhvani, is an award winning kind who knows what he wants...is so savvy that it turned out to be a pleasure working with him. He has delivered award winning films like the Happy dent one and the Xbox one and many many more.....he is extremely respected in the industry and it was a bit scary in the beginning. Scary because i didn't know if we could pull this off in the limited time we had and also keep the quality up. I was involved in the pre-prod meetings as well as on shoot. I thought ok...its a regular film with a few challenge here and there and all I'll be doing more or less is delivering some composites and it'll all be fine....but the experience was far from regular. It all started with the vfx supervisor having a rough time with the pixion gang. The drama we experienced everyday between the pixion people and The VFX supervisor...was let me say entertaining. The lady was finding it hard to achieve compatibility with the gang. And the gang would go out of their way to irritate her and give her a hard time. We didn't have the luxury of time on this one to go around irritating the person who is to make calls on time and approve stuff on behalf of the director! I intervened and since i didn't mind talking to her at all and kinda found a way to be the middle man for her. She was pleased to find at least one person to confide in, when it comes down to Pixion's various eccentric behavior....She was hard to handle, i agree, but it didn't mean that one forgets one's place in the scheme of things. she was there for work..not to make friends...but that too didn't give her the right to treat people like “her” employees...anyway....what i'm trying to say is that i am a flame guy who was supposed to deliver the film and instead of just concentrating on the work i was supposed to do...i was playing line producer on this one....it all turned out fine but i guess some people are good at certain things and some are not and i guess some people just dont want to be good at certain things and i am among the kind who doesn't enjoy line producing....trust me its great for people who love the feeling of being in control and having the heart to ask questions like “so when am i getting my shots?”...i personally enjoy my flame time....much more relaxing....more happiness wit my flame...she gives me joy...she gives me what i want when i am nice to her!!

anyway...the director had to go to Paris and before he left we had to finish the full 90 sec edit with a few bells and whistles left over, for after he left. Now what is special about this ad is that it was an all chroma shoot with a few igloo kind off houses and no otherwise exterior stuff....all backgrounds were to be put in post....very few camera moves....lots of snow, shot and the chroma wasn't the best....i can say that with conviction. The deal was that i had to show the look of the opening shot, which involved a landscape with icy mountains and a moon and a cliff...I'll upload a few static frames later....i used to work on the shot....and either email it to the VFX supervisor and she used to show it to Ram and i used to execute the changes and send it back. In approximately 2 rounds,the look got approved and i was only given fine tuning instructions. I was happy. I took a dvd of my quicktimes and went to Yash Raj Studios in andheri(w) and stood outside the gate cause the entry pass was with the VFX Supervisor. I stood there for a while and since it was a closed set...she couldn't take my calls. I told the gate man to inform her of my arrival and he was kind enough to make the phone call. After approximately 20 min..a guy came up to the gate with a blue colored pass wit a red string attached to it.....he gave it to me and i was relieved to enter the studio....all that while i felt like a struggling actor waiting for a chance to meet a director/producer at yash raj!!

I went in and saw the most quiet set I've been to in my life. Ram was the kinda guy who had such control over the set, that i couldn't help but feel amazed at that ability.....it was a good experience sitting next to him and see him work. We all need such people to enter our lives and shake it up and tell us to push ourselves just that little bit more...we shoot our sequences and i still had a little fear whether we could pull all the required shots off with quality as priority......Now another special thing about the process of delivering this ad was that by the time the director was ready with the offline, i was inserting the effects shots into the edit. Which means, before the offline presentation, we had managed to insert quite a few shots into the edit so as to give Mr.Prasoon Joshi a much better idea on how the film was going to look like. Now the critical sections were inserted in because it does get difficult for the agency person to understand the overall flow and feel of the film. Especially this kind of a film. you'll know what i mean when u see it. It was great to see Prasoon liking the edit and actually zero changes on the fx shots....we got approval on the offline stages itself....that meant a lot to us....then by the time Ram came on to online, both Flames had gotten shots ready for him to take a look at for final grading. They had planned it out in a way that Flame gets a one-light telecine and the grading would happen on flame itself....so as Ram graded the shots....i kept providing ready comps from flame and the shake gang. The whole workflow seems to workout great....the Shake guys at Pixion really helped out this project with so much enthusiasm....it was great to work with all this talent.....minor tweaks were required but overall experience was lovely. so on the day Ram was leaving for Paris...our 90 sec edit was ready..and also we had inserted our ready shots into the 60 sec cut down version too.....Mr Hritik Roshan walks in 6pm sharp. Checks out the edits...loves it...suggests some changes from his side...walks away...and we all get congratulated for a good job.....we bask in the glory....very satisfied and happy....i leave for Goa the same night for attending “the big chill”...a two day music festival....but that's a another story....stay tuned....

Flame rates.....

Flame rates in SOHO, UK - 750-800 pounds per hour
Flame rates in Mumbai, India - between Rs. 3500 to Rs. 5000
Why so much of a difference? pray tell me...

an ocean of knowledge leads to bullshit....

the internet is a great place...plenty of information...so much that i can spend a whole week and sunday and still feel bummed about not spending enough time here.I do a lot of research...for some reason, i feel the need to look for information on anything that catches my interest....work related, philosophy,art,music,graphic novels,pornography,automotive,engineering...the list goes on and keeps increasing exponentially as the clock ticks.I seldom buy stuff without checking user reviews.The internet is an ocean of information.Always alluring....never seizing to amaze....all satisfying...lots of help....cant live without it anymore....Forums are a great source of information....i have subscribed to quite a few forums to keep myself updated on certain topics of my interest.I have also recently got seduced into blogging.A recent report claimed that on a global scale, people rely more on blogs for accurate representation of the current events and news rather than rely on the media and statements of reporters....does it surprise you?
I have always been inspired to write with a certain decency either in emails or in messages to my friends because of certain nice human beings on the internet who follow a certain level of net etiquette...no matter what we say about our foreign counterparts...they are much much more decent than indians.....to be more specific...the indian youth is so cocky and misinformed and the rudeness they project really makes one aware of the youth ignorance.The youth goes around throwing the most uncalled for rude attitude when responding to a decent query or topic.Case in point is a very famous website which caters to a certain underground music culture and the rockstar kinda way of life being attached to it.Because of over overenthusiastic young people firing off their mouths about the music and its hand in hand connection with illegal drug usage...some very talented and close friends are being charges with drug usage and being called drug peddlers.The ignorant authorities who have charged these innocent bystanders didn't have the patience to do their homework or weren't interested in the true culprits corrupting the youth of our nation.Drug culture is screwing with our nation's youth...that is an undeniable fact.But the fact of the matter is that playing with peoples lives in order make EXAMPLES out of them is down right illegal and disgusting.The law is being twisted and turned and these innocent people are suffering the wrath of the law which was once made for the protection of innocent people like the above said people.The media has shown footage of provocative dancing girls on national television to show the uninitiated that trance culture is a glamorous outing of a drug abusers coming together to do drugs and enjoy music...the media is playing with peoples lives for their fucked up ratings and we all know it.The ignorant kids who watch such footage are only motivated to go be part of such a glamorous world. we all are waiting for our friends to get free of this nonsense.Wives and brothers are waiting outside the police stations.Tears are being shed.Smiles are lost.Days gone bad.Faith is being questioned.Good law abiding citizens who pay their taxes on time are being man handled just so an inspector can bask in his moment of glory. The media is pulling on the cloaks of embarrassed children walking out of the police station and trying to get ahead in life with such footage. who are these inhumans...how do they go home and face their loved ones? How do they justify their existence? In all actuality....this drug bust is such a failure...the person who was supposed to be caught was supposedly so aware that she didn't land up at the said venue.Now the cops need to justify their expensive drug bust by framing charges on innocent people.....justice is not on the side of the innocent.....it sickens me to the core to imagine living in a country where the rich snort cocaine on every weekend and the law runs after kids for justifying their existence....i don't know what to do...I've seen his face in my sleep....it bothers me to see him that way....he is a good man....he doesn't deserve this....he is innocent.....all he wanted was to have a good time....he loves music...he does not sell poison to people.....let him go....his pain is connected to his family...they are suffering with him......he knows now the meaning of freedom....you've made your point....let him go....let the kids go back to their world....they don't deserve this.....let them go...the real bad guys are out there....

gym sessions

Working out is something which I've been doing on and off ever since I was a little boy.If ever I do get to a consistent pattern of going to the gym and sculpting my body to a desired level, I would like to give credit to Rocky Balboa...a character Mr.Stallone created in the beginning of his career. This character is among the single most inspiring story of an underdog making it big and the movie showcases some very good sequences of working out where Stallone goes through his sessions.Anyway since i work in Bandra but live in Andheri, i prefer to go to a gym next to my workplace cause it makes more sense for me to go straight to the gym after work rather than travel back to Andheri and then hit the gym. My line of work is not too physically demanding.An example of physical activity would be picking up the phone and asking for coffee from the pantry.That can be quite strenuous too..if u have too make clients around and they need coffee on a reguar basis...Then there is the rare occasion of us required to attend a shoot for supervision purposes...which again demands us to go there and sit on our asses and chat away to glory about the shot....Such is the physical life of a compositor.Sit on your ass, work wit a stylus, pulling keys, cutting garbage mattes, taking stuff from here and pasting it there....full on mental shit and very little physical activity.But before u decide to make a career change...let me also tell u that the "sitting on your ass" can be for 3 hrs or as much as 72 depending on how nice or shitty the client is.So when one leads a life where picking up a suitcase or having to walk a bit makes one feel like a loser....one is enlightened to the fact that "muthafucka...go join a gym!"
Everybody has their own reasons to work out.If u ask me...whatever works ya!it may be to build up stamina....look good....wear a certain size....whatever....just go do it. i observed that i even change as a human being as i walk in there. I switch off.i don't think anything. i try my best to be the dumbest guy around. I go into the "damsel in distress syndrome". since i choose not to pay a trainer to dedicate his one hour wit me...i have to generally work with whoever catches my eye....i look at a trainer free and start talking like a kid....give him respect for his body.....make him feel like a king....he's the man...i know nothing....then he gets the kicks and then my session is nice and optimized....he sticks wit me....motivates me..and i walk out satisfied...paisa vasool!!
I have this theory though...that the gym is one place where one must shut the fuck up, cause that is one place dedicated to one's body and the mind takes a back step.....push ure body...put it through all the possible stress, so that when u rest, your muscles are developing....don't go to the gym and start bullshitting away to some lund and waste your time...cause your body wont wait...its cooling down....watch that meter....work out and get the fuck out....I put my body through all that punishing so that later my mind can be at ease.
I attend this physically torturous ritual 6 days a week and chill on Sunday cause the trainers need that Sunday too man!!!There's plenty of motivation around.I see some fine ass bodies around & i don't mean only them rapchik items.There are some desirable triceps on one guy.Well developed biceps on another.But i try not to compete.It only makes my session more stressful.I got this theory about competing.It came to me while i was playing one of them lame ass PS2 games.The only person one competes with, in these games...is themselves.( i know its not rocket science but it kinda feels good when these things come to u and u create ure own interpretation out of it and justify your existence and quality of life around it.)In the above said PS2 game, one faces off against many opponents either in a racing game or a combat situation or out and out nonsense fighting game...who r these oponents?...A.I.which means they r just code running around trying to pass off as competition.If one goes about ignoring these fools and just playing the game, the way the designers intended you to play....doing things right..making the right jumps...hitting the right combos...one is bound to win...I apply the same logic in the gym and in my general life too...keep going at it at your own pace....look and be inspired but don't try to be that guy...you will never be that guy...if you want to be that guy?...then who the fuck r u?....what is ure identity?....you no longer remain an individual...you become just another brick in just another wall of hypocritical society we all live in.The level of my workout is dominated by my genetics ,my mental strength and persistence.That's where one needs to give in to nature but work on one's mind for the persistence and strength...There will always be guys who can pull more weights and do more reps than me.Does it matter that stronger guys and bigger guys exist? well in a fist fight..it does but other wise hell no...
So what i do?I stop working out for the wrong reasons.I work out for myself and for the poor souls who have the unfortunate privilege to have to look at me. i work out so i can carry this burden called life...weep..weep..a little more easier...So i can take that walk around New York without having to fall back.It left me weak & tired in the winter.That sucked man.So that my clothes fit me better, till a day comes, when i can get them custom made....I wish to make her proud when we walk together on the street or when we enter a party.We men sit & check out chicks with great bodies and lust after them.Don't we all desire a piece of that well toned ass that just walked by. So what do we have to offer to our better halves. a beer belly? Fuckall clothes which we pass off as casual wear?What efforts do we make to keep the desire meter full for them.I'm sure a gang of men out there are shouting right now...."fuck this superficial shit"....i say to them.."wake the fuck up"....If being healthy and wanting to wear better clothes for the purpose of impressing one's mates,wives,mothers,sisters,fathers and friends is superficial....go ahead live in your warped realities.my sister once told me about this thought and it kinda opened up my mind.Is it too much trouble to go through?After all it is only once a while that we all go out.We mostly work the whole day and come back home late and rarely get the opportunity to dress up.Well to answer the question....put a price on the smile you see on her face when she sees u looking all sharp and neat and tidy on that one rare evening.that smile stays there through out the evening and to me that is priceless....females work in a very weird manner....they aren't impressed by the beautiful fireplace or the temperature of the flame...they just care about how much you have gone through to provide her with that flame.its always been the thought...the effort which gives them the kicks...that's what makes them happy....I've been working out for quite some time now...and even though I've got my reasons....I'm in a situation where the one person i want to impress, isn't around....if ure reading me...come back...cause it gets a little difficult without you....

Samosa party

a samosa party was held on the terrace of Pixion. the purpose of this party was explained to us as a way of getting the old guys to meet the new guys...No such thing happened..it was the worst party in Pixions history.Everybody came...ate samosa and kachori and went away.It was pathetic.The people who organised such a pathetic party deserve to be fired. What is wrong with these people....i have nothing more to say about this samosa party.

the prettiest comet .......

today i saw a lovely movie called Eklavya....the royal guard...
very nice movie.beautiful locations...very nice cast....short and dark and sweet....
i definitely recommend the movie for all movie buffs and non- movie buffs alike. i finally got delivery of my bike from Ahmed bhai who had taken responsibility of fixing the broken foot rest connector thingy....He gave me the bike and it felt good to finally ride me julie again.I had almost forgotten the feeling of riding her.She felt nice...real nice....as i made my way back from the garage i couldn't help but smile and as i parked her in my office basement...i apologised to her....she didn't reply....i walked away and for some reason i felt the need to turn back and take another look at her as she stood there....what a sight she is.....she makes me smile....i promise her, as i walk away...."I'll take care of u"...she doesn't reply, but i know she heard me.....she's been with me.....through quite a lot....she has shared many good and bad moments....we've smiled together....cried out in pain together....i remember the moments we've spent together with Mehma...she loved me julie too...she said to me once...."this is mine OK" i agreed...she told me to take care of her....i will take care of her......she has been with me when Bombay was flooded...she was with me in spirit even when i walked to sharath's home and back when he himself, hadn't made it home in his car.she helped me get back to office that evening.....she saved me that evening.....i remember her falling the first time and i felt her pain as her brake lever took all her weight as i fell.......she was with me when i fell on the way back to Goa....as i fell i knew what she was enduring.....i was in denial as i picked her up and saw her wounds..i said to myself...."no...no..no..."..she was the prettiest there was, and she had scars all over her right side because of me.....i share a scar on the palm of my right hand with her....i live with this reminder for the rest of my life....a white patch to remind me of the skin which ripped as i tried desperately to reduce the speed of my skid on that bridge.....it was my fault...i still remember....she had taken a lot...she was still with me all the way back to Bombay...i don't know what it was that made us keep going.....i think it was the thought of being back with Mehma....i remember getting visions of her on my way back...i was talking to myself....the pain was too agonizing and i couldn't stop because if i had stopped...my companion would had to stop....it was about the ride...don't give up...i thought to myself...how bad can this get....just get the job done.......i have to get this over with....i made it to Bombay wit her....she pressed on with me...even though she had taken quite a beating....she still made it happen.....i believe she has a soul...she is with me...i know i am not as loving as i should be...she deserves more....i try to give her my attention...its still not the best she deserves...i wish i was more loving while she wasnt hurt...i wish i had realised how important she is to me then....you never know what u have till it leaves u....its been atleast 4 months she was lying in the parking lot and i dont know what i was doing without her.....i know now.....i am a dick.

the only sense of freedom....

Bikes...I've always loved bikes.2-wheelers. Whenever i walk the roads of Bandra, there are possibly only 2 things that can distract me from an argument wit a friends or a long conversation carrying on on the way back to office. Either a hot chick or the roaring sound of a nice naked bike coming our way. both receive a moment of silence as they pass by. The similarities are also quite amusing! their curves get u hooked... their sound sometimes can be attractive... the desire to ride them can be compared.... the desire to own one, because they are very few made like that one. ...the desire to own more than the one i have...cause men are never satisfied. I know guys are gonna kick me but come on....we all know this shit anyway. I personally own a Comet GT250cc made by a Korean company called Hyosung. For the poor ignorant ones, hyosung is quite an old company that burst into stardom when they provided engines to great bike manufacturing companies like Suzuki. Their V-twin engines are quite famous in the bike world. They are full Ducatti wannabes but what the hell at least they aim high unlike our Indian companies that have been talking big and delivering shit to the Indian consumer since forever. for e.g. the enfield. We all know this classic Indian bike which is so out of date that the Indian government should actually declare it a national classic and persuade the company to only supply worldwide to various bike museums. cause thats where it belongs. In a museum and Enfield should be sued for under developing a great bike and being stingy enough to ghasao the same damn design though various generations of bike lovers. Enfield sucks and we all know it. so anybody who thinks otherwise can kiss my hairy ass. Anybody remember how Yamaha released a picture of the Gladiator in the sad indian BIKE magazine and how excited we all got? And what actually got released? A fuckin regular commuter. We were shown visuals of a nice sleek 4stroke 100cc bike with lovely inverted front suspension...exhausts neatly tucked under the rear seat....monoshock rear suspension. And even though it was a commuter as opposed to a performance bike at least we could all go to office in style! But no re baba...indians dont go to office in style...we struggle our way to office...No.1—the roads are designed by xtreme sports fanatics to simulate the feeling of “being alive” everyday as one goes around Bombay....the potholes are custom made to deliver the commuter with the much needed wake up call if he hasn't had adequate sleep!So we struggle our way to office in our regular looking commuter bikes which are sold by our lovely indian companies with the most pathetic sticker...(not even vinyl)....technology, passed off as “new and improved snazzy graphics”!!who the fuck approves these designs anyway? Are these losers fucks even from a design background? Or are the engineers who design the pathetic engines, only doing double shift and saving the company, a design team ka karcha?Just one look at these commuters will put a person at a position to judge what the company is all about. People say that Apple makes revolutionary computer designs...no they dont...they just made a very obvious move towards the future of personal computing. why should we have boxy designs?....curve it out. make it smooth...in corporate some ergonomics...what the fuck? The computers are great...lets improve on the exterior shell?right? Well in that case the Indian bike companies are all doomed cause not only is the soul fucked the body is just an after thought!!so there is no hope and as long as fucked up bikes like the Hero Honda Karisma keep selling....the future is very very dim. I bought my bike for 1.85 lakhs. This is a wannabe ducatti. Hyosung know it.I know it and the world know it. Is is a good bike?Does it deliver? It damn well does. Kinetic Motors delivered this bike to the Indians to study the Indian bike consumer psyche...i feel. they wanted to know if the boys will buy a true performance bike when they see one.....and i don't know the statistics, but whenever i ride me Julie on the roads...the number of questions i have answered...prove that indians love bikes...they wont shell out the kind of money i have for my beauty but they all love bikes. What is it wit bikes? People called us crazy when we went on a road trip to Goa on our bikes. They said.."catch a fucking plane ...its not that expensive”!! all i have to say to them is I've done it twice.....i fell on the way back once..ripped the skin on my palm...have a twisted ankle, clicking for life.....tachometer broken...foot rest broken....headlight bent...handle bar bent,paint scratched and i still say its all human error and I'll still do it again.... figure it out.....

so much to see..so little time...

my life on this planet is not bad...i have a goddess as my partner...i have an honourable job(mostly)...i have money in my bank account which keeps me satisfied(mostly)...i have a decent 250cc bike which keeps me happy(mostly)...i have a PS2 which keeps me occupied most Sundays(mostly) and i have a room full of toys which project to the world, my innocence(mostly)...i have decent friends(mostly!!)...what else does one need....but yet there is something missing...it can never live up to the feeling one gets while going through a 2 hour or 3 hour movie....
while watching certain films...the genre can either be a thriller or a horror or a feel good romantic or whatever...the genres are too many and my patience to write all of them down too little....well these movies kind of entertain us...make us sad...motivate us....some wanna make us puke...but whenever we get up after the movie and sit and analyze and relive the moments...we want to be in there...we want to part of such a world....is it because our lives are that pathetic that we want to get out and enter that world....?
i have seen a lot of nonsense cinema too.....thank to Sharath Shankar....a freak of nature that is a walking encyclopedia of movies one need to watch....He used to work at Candid Creations and his work demanded him to go through various kinds of films....well that's what he claims.....i think otherwise.....he loves movies....bottomline....what else would explain the kinds of films he has seen and made us watch....suggested rather..he's seldom overtly persuasive!!(kindly detect the inherent sarcasm in the sentence...shanks)....this guy watches movies, unbiased...it can be Hollywood,Japanese shit,Korean shit...u name it....it doesn't matter...now this guy suggested me a movie by a director called Takeshi Miike....now anybody who has seen this guys films like...Visitor Q,Audition,Ichi the killer will know what a person...a regular person goes through in the process of watching the film. all i can say is that this man defines creative freedom....his work touches the most perverse(subjective) topics one can think of and leaves you satisfied.He is considered to be the bad boy(understatement) of Asian cinema.Shankar suggested these movies to be.I have not been the same since.He has corrupted my fragile mind beyond repair.I can take anything now...i am so desensitized, that u could drop dead in front of me with your head blown off and i wont freak out....i can take anything.. till i saw "Requiem for a Dream".this is a must watch for any muthafucka who wants to cry his head off....and you don't even have to be an illegal drug abuser!!If Mr.Miike is perverse in a sympathetic way...he makes u see things u will never see in real life(or maybe u can).....and yet his characters are not two dimensional fools who u write off as losers.....he makes u respect these poor souls...i thought that if i like this movie...does it make me a pervert...or does it just mean that i am appreciative of the directors efforts?either way ure fucked cause the subject matter is so beyond regular life and unacceptable that it is considered a crime to even like this kind of cinema!!But what am i talking about here...i was talking about movies that make us feel like shit about our own lives....Now i saw a docu by David La Chapelle who is considered a brilliant photographer and this debut effort to showcase a kind of dance form which expresses aggression and sadness and negative energy into positive things made me feel good about my life in general...and left me a little empty too......good because the situations which led for the dance form to be invented is sad and fuckall but the dance form itself made me want to jump up and shake a leg.The name of the movie "Rize".This form of dance makes me feel envious because they have this culture ..free of any rules...they dance because they want to...because their heart tell them to....because its in their blood....it made me wanna go to kerala and learn Kalari..which is also a dance form which one can perform for releasing one's energies in a positive manner...Kalari actually is a form of martial art....which now is a dance form....So i just feel really bummed sometimes thinking of how these movies make us feel....as i was writing this blog i kinda got lost in the way and my thoughts took me to some other place so anybody who reads this blog, will know that i go way off the topic and start rambling about irrelevant shit....but they aren't irrelevant...cause these are my thoughts and I'd rather acknowledge their randomness and embrace it, rather than, fight it and try to stay within the restrains of the topic...anyway...i'll write in a little more on this later....peace and thank u all for reading....i appreciate it...

The awkwardness of the beginning!

This is a tale of my good friend and collegue Amit Chitnis...it's a tale which has suspense..anticipation..a little dose of awkwardness and a hint of romance.
When i joined the studio which i am working for now..i was introduced to a very young, fair and shy looking boy.The moment i saw him..i was reminded of an old friend called Rani Sadgirlkar(name changed on popular demand!).I knew then as much as i know now that they would both make a perfect couple.Both had the same cultural background...both spoke marathi fluently..both were fair enough to pass off as zombies....both of them have a wacky sense of humour....and to top it all off...both of them even worked in the same field...!!
now i'm not religious or anything but how could i ignore these holy signs!!i had to do some thing...
last i had heard...Chitnis had never been in any relationship, but not that that mattered....and Rani also was single to the best of my knowledge.....So i tried my best to verbally explain to both of them about how much the both of them would create magic but my dream was left hanging by both of their non-enthusiam....i wept tears in my solitude...the romance which was so meant to be but one that never happened!
Now years past by and i got over them and on one sunny afternoon i get a call from her..that she wanted to meet up!!I say ok casually and set up a time and told her to come to my office...I hang up and as I click the disconnect button on my cell phone....it dawned to me!!!
Rani->office
office->Chitnis
Chitnis<->Rani!!!
he he he
So she comes to the office and we talk for a while..i excuse myself and go to the Flame2 room(where Chitnis generally works).....i go and wit a straight face, call him to my room..the Flame 1 room(where Rani is sitting..unsuspectingly!!)He says "I'll just come"....i walk away and go to my room and start chit chatting with Rani and as i talk to her i reach for my handicam and start cueing it up and there Chitnis walks in...i press the record button on my cam and i gently place it on my lap....i introduce Chitnis and Rani.She turns to take a look at him and as she turns i see him fix his hair wit his hands...finally they meet and what happened next was very funny cause Mr.Chitnis realised what i was trying to do and instead of hanging around and having a chat wit the girl that he had heard sooo much about...the guy tries to leave in a rush...."I'll come back" he says...i ask him to just wait for a second, so i could get Rani to stand next to him for the camera...they both at that point realise that the camera is rolling!!He awkwardly smiles and says...chal re...bye......
So he leaves the room and i ask Rani the verdict....whether she liked him or not?she says....He's nice!!....hmmmm!!!
Now what i liked about this little moment was that since both of the subjects had still not lost their innocence...i could capture the awkwardness which one feels in the beginning of a relationship....
it reminded me of my own anticipation and excitement, i felt when i started dated the special lady in my life....i wanted so much to impress her and wanted her to like me and the above experience kind off took me back in time....i wont know if they will ever date each other....it is not in my hand for them to fall in love with each other....but i would love to see a nice couple, going around, with my name on the arrow that helped pierce their hearts.......who knew, playing cupid was so much fun?

the reasons why....

today i came across a quote by Oprah...its a nice one....it kind of reminded me, of a thought i once had about my profession.she says "Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not." Let me explain why this thought connects to my profession.I've been working in the Visual FX industry for the past 7 odd years and in my fresher days i got the opportunity to work under the guidance of some very talented people who showed me the way....taught me the skills i have today and also inspired certain professional ethics, which have sunk so deep into my character that they are second nature to me now.Its hard for me to not do the things they have taught me.Now in the beginning..i would execute a composite just so that my supervisor was happy and once i had his approval i used to go home a happy man.But as years past by and i got better at what i did...i wondered to myself...what am i working for...is it the money?....is it the glory? now to answer these questions.....the money in this industry is quite satisfactory....not enough to make up for the time spend away from your loved ones...all the 24hrs and 48 hrs and 72hrs, one puts into a certain job it requires.Compositing involves working on either a sequence or a specific shot till the requirement is fulfilled and most of the times...the deadlines are, lets just say "weird".....Now there is glory....once in a while...when the director likes what you've done to his film...he sometimes appreciates ure effort...but even though these things play in your mind....the question still remains....is this all worth it....?Let me give u some facts...India has a long way to go in terms of visual fx.We are still just scratching the surface...and so the clients we handle mostly don't turn out to be very post production non-savvy...which in turn means that the clients don't really have much of a clue about compositing and visual fx.There are clients who do not involve the fx house even in their ongoing vfx shoots and just land up at our doorsteps with the final rushes!Having said that, even if a compositor does execute a great composite which is supposed to look so seamless that even the director who was there on the shoot, cant make out what is done.....he loses out on the appreciation simply because the client doesn't know any better....he is just very happy that his vision was made a reality.Which means that no matter how many nights and days you spend to finish a shot....the clients mostly wont even notice ure work!!!funny but true...so how does one psyche oneself to keep going?the money makes up for it? that would be a no....
I once asked a friend and colleague of mine..what do u work for?he arrogantly answered back...."for the limelight".....this guy was a graphics artist who was very good at delivering print work for various clients....packaging in advertising is a very in your face ...visually attractive side which cannot be mistaken for realism.....well what ever works for the guy....he had his reasons all figured out....so what was mine?
now to answer this question I'd like to use the analogy of a compositor and a comic book hero!!
well let me explain, before u think I'm an pompous prick who loves to call myself a super hero!
well I'm talking about a certain kind who has to have 2 identities so that his loved ones aren't harmed...well one guy does the work, the other person serves the purpose of the cover up.u all know the story....well the comparison begins when the real person cant claim the credit or glory of doing all the great things the Hero has done.The definition of a compositor is a person who is supposed to be invisible.The moment a viewer knows that something is done in the shot/sequence...the compositor has failed....his work is expected to be so seamless....does any of this make sense now?So the real hero can never even think of showing off his work to a layman even if he wants to show the world that he is good at his work.I say i get a kick, for being in the shadows....there is a certain satisfaction when i see my shot being watched in a theatre and the crowd has no clue that something was super imposed or cut and pasted or that that breath taking explosion was put together in a tiny room in Bandra!!i love the shadows....i need the shadows....if the layman remain layman no more....my job is not justified....its a little like Batman!!So who do i work for again?i work for my colleagues and for anybody who is savvy enough to understand the time and effort i have put into the shot...not the viewer....not the client..they unfortunately are the ignorant ones...but without them ...there would be no me.....so i guess i get cheap thrills when i play my sequence and nobody knows what the hell I've done in it even though it is under their noses....sleight of hand is a lovely concept!!
well whatever it takes to keep me going....and this reason keeps my clock ticking....

Black Friday

last night i saw Black Friday....all i want to say is--> go watch the movie

continu----ing

so this movie "TBT" is a movie directed by a brilliant Indian director...who, back in the day used to be and still is a very good ad film maker...who gets bitten by the film bug...so off he goes and makes a lovely story based in some hill station and city and so forth....(this blog is not about the movie!!)
ok so the story goes that i had worked on the film executing some seriously weird visual fx on this film a year back (2005) and delivered the film vfx+DI very successfully around that time...but the film went through some snags with some "people" and these people with whom lies some level of "power" decided to change around some stuff so that the edit gets a little more "digestible"....now the preview i saw today had sound+great looking visual and privacy....but the preview i had seen with the director a year back had work in progress visual and no sound...the director was kind enough to narrate the story to us scene by scene....dialogue by dialogue....and yet even though we had these obvious distractions.....i personally found the first edit , much more fresh...edgy....intelligent and satisfying.Now the new edit seems nice too...yet the edge...the discomfort and certain thought provoking visuals which in its entirety felt really good...have been brutally canned from the film.
Now i would like to point out that i felt the reason this re-edit was done was probably a very calculated move by the people at power which would probably make great business sense but then the question is .....why does practicality always have to take priority over creativity?

TBT

i went for a preview of a film i choose to call "TBT"..cause i choose not to reveal the actual name...lest i get fucked over by the concerned people who might take offence to my views and reviews about the film!!
so here goes......coming soon......